This Sucks

For the most part, I haven't minded 2020. I appreciate that I've been incredibly blessed that I can even say that. I can't imagine how difficult the world has been to so many. I've lost work and I miss my friends and boyfriend terribly, but for the most part, I've plodded on, and it's been okay. I got to redecorate my bedroom and I absolutely love it, I got to save a little bit of money due to having nothing to spend it on, and I caught up on a whole lot of Netflix. I'm fortunate to live with my parents still, whom I adore, so I spent lockdown in good company. When the government implemented "Eat Out to Help Out" I helped out plenty, to the sum of an extra half stone on the scales. I'm also fortunate enough to have beautiful garden to relax in, where I spent much of Summer, guilt free and armed with cold wine and sizzling BBQ food.

But it's Winter now. Its Christmas now. And now, for the first time all year, I'm really feeling 2020.

We are, as my Dad put it, a 'Winter family'. We're not a beach family. We're not a festival family. We're a theatre, pantomime, Christmas markets and mulled wine family. We do Christmas Big and Hard and this year it's sort of... just there.

It's not for want of trying. Mum and I have done all we can to bring forth the festive feeling. We had our usual tree decorating party with lots of sherry and Christmas tunes, we've watched some Christmas movies and we've bought a LOT of food.

But, without our usual festive staples, it all just feels like a whimper, not a bang, this year. We usually visit several Christmas markets over the holiday period. We usually go to Gloucester Quays to enjoy the wonderful Victorian Market they host every year. I usually have a wonderful Christmassy weekend with my friends where we share gifts and play games and eat a lot of wonderful food. I usually spend a lot of time in London, visiting Moose's family and hanging out with friends there. We usually have half a pub booked out for the occasion. We usually, we usually, we usually...

This year isn't usual. This year, quite frankly, sucks. And it's now, the day before Christmas, where I'm really feeling it.

I think for me, the best take away from this year is going to be an appreciation of freedom. An appreciation of being able to make plans, to visit people, to live spontaneously and with excitement. I'm not sure what 2021 has in store for any of us, but I think the important thing is to keep moving forwards and to not dwell on the moments lost this year. Instead, I think we'll all enjoy things a little more feverishly, and I think we'll just plain appreciate them all a little more.